“Paul was a lovely man and we were together for 22 years. He was a self-employed carpenter and decorator. We enjoyed travelling together, including a brilliant trip to America to see my family for my 50th birthday.
Paul had many health problems. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer, which was successfully treated, then had two hip replacements followed by major back surgery. There were complications with every operation and I thought I was going to lose him several times, which was very distressing for us both.
In January 2017, Paul completely lost his balance and was ill in bed for two weeks. The doctor thought he’d had a stroke.
An MRI scan showed a 12mm aneurysm (swelling in a blood vessel) in his brain stem which is the part of the brain that connects to the spinal cord. It slowly doubled in size, affecting Paul’s sight and speech. He had two more major strokes and frequent TIA (Transient Ischaemic Attack) mini-strokes, that left him needing to use a wheelchair.
On 5 April 2023, Paul had an operation to fit a flow diverter in his brain to direct blood away from the aneurysm. I was told that he only had a small chance of surviving the operation… but he facetimed me afterwards from intensive care and he was talking and smiling!
When he left hospital, we decided to go on one last road trip to Switzerland with my daughter, Liv, and her family. It wasn’t easy with Paul’s health problems, but we were glad that we did it.
Sadly, the aneurysm continued to grow, despite the flow diverter. Paul had respiratory failure and I suspected that his prostate cancer had returned and spread.
By October 2024, he was sleeping most of the time and it was clear that he wasn’t going to last much longer. He didn’t want to go into hospital again, so I promised him that he could stay at home.
Paul was initially under the care of St Helena Hospice and a care company. Then, in March 2025, I was contacted by Farleigh Hospice who had taken over hospice care in Halstead.
On 6 March, a lady from Farleigh came to assess Paul and arranged for their carers to visit him the same day. He then had four visits each day: two from Farleigh’s carers and two from other carers organised through Farleigh.
The Farleigh healthcare assistants visited at the start of the day to get him washed and dressed, and also at five o’clock. They were always smiling and I felt very comfortable with them in my home. In the short time that they cared for Paul, they really got to know him.
Once they looked after him for me when I had to go out. It was a relief that I could trust them to care for him. Paul died at 7.45am on 17 March, aged 81.
The Farleigh healthcare assistants visited that morning and were so kind. It had been a very traumatic night and one of them stayed with me while I waited for the death certificate, so I wasn’t alone.
Then they returned to wash and dress Paul. They put him in his favourite rugby shirt and the other clothes that I had chosen for him, did his hair and laid him on the bed. Then they put a blanket over him so it looked like he was sleeping. I had some roses in the house and they thoughtfully laid a couple on his chest.
Paul was my soulmate and I had been afraid of him dying, but seeing him lying there so peacefully made it a better experience than I could have hoped for.
I cannot fault the wonderful way that Farleigh Hospice cared for my husband, Paul, during his final weeks and after his death. It was more than I had expected and I am really grateful.”
This article is taken from the latest ‘Heart of Farleigh’ magazine.