How Farleigh Helpers made a difference to David

David explains how the Farleigh Helpers befriending service has helped him to cope with his grief following the death of his daughter, Tracey.

“I’m a retired television aerial contractor and my wife, Kaija, and I are celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary this year.

We really first heard of Farleigh Hospice when the charity helped to care for our daughter, Tracey, after she was diagnosed with stage four cancer. She was very ill for six months and in a lot of pain and Farleigh supported her and sorted out her medication. I spoke to them several times and they were very helpful if we had any problems. Sadly, Tracey died in November 2021.

After someone really close to you dies, it destroys a lot of things in you and the grief can be very hard to cope with. When Farleigh Hospice offered me support through the Farleigh Helpers befriending telephone service, I was happy to say ‘yes’ if they thought it could help.

They arranged for a befriender called Chris to call me for 30 minutes, once a week. I felt a little bit embarrassed when he first called - I did want to talk but it was difficult to explain how I was feeling.

Fortunately, Chris had a calm, soft telephone manner that really put me at ease and I felt comfortable chatting with him. I’m 86 and he said he was about ten years younger than me, so we’re both at the tail end of life and had a lot in common. I got the impression that Chris had had some similar experiences to me, so we were well-matched and that gave me some encouragement. I felt that I could confide in him.

Our conversations were sometimes serious and we did talk about bereavement, but they were also light-hearted too. We would often just chat about life – things like my family, what I’d been up to over the week, what’s been on the telly, current affairs – and have a smile about most things.

I looked forward to the call each Monday. That chat lifted me from my depression and would give me a bit of a boost for the day or longer. If Kaija answered the phone when Chris called, they would have a little chat too and she also has a lot of respect for him.

He was always very professional but it also felt like I was talking to a very good friend. It is a strange situation that we are never going to meet but I understand that befrienders must remain anonymous.

Farleigh Helpers gave me someone reliable that I could talk to outside of the family, which was very helpful, without a doubt. I was supported by the service through Chris for about two years and our regular chats did make an enormous difference and encouraged me to process my grief. I do now feel that I am a stronger person.

We have a lovely rose bush in our garden in memory of Tracey. I can now sit out there and look at it and, yes, it does still hurt as she is no longer here, but I feel that I am over most of the bereavement.

I would definitely recommend the Farleigh Helpers service as my life would have been more difficult without this support. If someone feels nervous about contacting them and talking to a befriender, I would tell them not to be – I know it can be difficult to begin with, but just relax and be yourself.

Every time Kaija and I have spoken with anyone from Farleigh, they have been really good and it’s all been positive - we've got no complaints whatsoever. Farleigh Hospice has been excellent and we are very grateful for the support we have received from this charity.”

For more information about Farleigh Helpers click HERE