Bereavement Help Points

In the latest edition of The Lantern, Michelle explains how our Danbury Bereavement Help Point has supported her after her mum died.

“I’m part of quite a large family. I have three siblings and I’m married with children. My parents were married for 55 years, with Mum the matriarch at the centre of the family, when she died suddenly in August 2022.

It was a terrible shock for us all and my Dad, Brian, was completely lost without her. I found myself stepping into her role to keep the family going. I had to sort out the legal things and funeral, while updating everyone, then Dad and my brother caught Covid.

Looking back, I was carrying other people’s grief but not finding time to deal with my own grief at all. I was tired and run-down, putting on weight and catching lots of colds.

A couple of months after Mum died, I saw a leaflet about bereavement support at my doctors. I didn’t know that sort of thing existed, so I searched online and found the Bereavement Help Point run by Farleigh Hospice twice a month at Danbury Mission.

I thought I couldn’t go to this group as Mum hadn’t been cared for by Farleigh but the website said it was open to everyone, so I decided to go along.

I didn’t know what to expect and was worried all the attention would be on me when I arrived. I got halfway through the door, panicked and was going to leave when Pat, a Farleigh volunteer, came over and encouraged me to sit with her.

I don’t talk about my emotions so speaking to a stranger was quite daunting. I don't cry in public either but, when Pat asked about my Mum, the floodgates opened and I cried a lot. I was surprised with myself and kept apologising, but she said they were all there to listen. Then I spoke to Amy, another Farleigh volunteer, who was
lovely too.

They made me feel comfortable and very safe. It was nice to talk to someone unconnected to my family without that look of pity that people often give you when you talk about your grief. Or they look scared or upset when they don’t know how to help you.

After talking to Pat and Amy, it honestly felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Farleigh’s Bereavement Help Point is a very relaxed environment where you can leave behind your family responsibilities and put yourself first. Everyone’s experience of grief is different but the other people there understand the different emotions you go through and they support you, without any judgement.

You don’t have to go to every meeting, just whenever you need it, and we don’t only talk about bereavement – there’s lots of laughter too! Many group members have lost their spouse so might want a chat or sometimes ask for advice about the practical things, like technology and DIY, that their partner used to do.

After going to the Bereavement Help Point regularly, I began to feel much stronger, both physically and mentally. I felt that I could manage things that had previously seemed overwhelming – I was surprised that it helped me so much.

After about seven months, I started to take my Dad with me and the group has really helped him too. It’s still my safe space and Pat and Amy continue to check in with me to make sure I’m okay.

Now it's nice that I can be there to give other people the support that I was given.

I advise anyone looking for help to cope with their grief to go along to their local Farleigh group. It’s a comfortable, safe space to get the support you need from other friendly, bereaved people who understand what you’re going through.

If it wasn’t for Farleigh Hospice’s Bereavement Help Point, I honestly don’t think I’d have been able to cope with everything that I was dealing with. I do still miss Mum but I know I don’t have to be strong all of the time and the support is always there if I need it.”

To find your local Community Bereavement Support Group, click here.

For more information about Farleigh's adult bereavement services click here

This story is taken from the 2025 Spring Lantern #113 magazine.

(Article first published 5 April 2025)